An Indescribable Feeling.

An Indescribable Feeling.

Nafeesa M. Hussain Mirza.

Daraja Haadi Ashara.

We all know what it is like to miss some one, but out of all those people, does it make sense to miss yourself? I never knew it was possible that there will come a time when I will miss my own self.

I miss a version of mine that brought out all the best in me. It showed me my superpowers, and all the capabilities I had of achieving the unimaginable. It was a different version, it intricately shaped me and guided me to stages of perfection that shall hold my hand and guide me step by step - all through my life. That was me in my 'Hifz-Phase'.

My version during this period was a magical one. It resembles a fort, with un-breachable walls that protected me from all the worries of the world. Hifz demanded 100% of my attention, it wouldn’t allow my mind to wonder in any other direction that shall bring me gloom. Passing each day in murajaat and getting through my page of Jadeed was of utmost importance in this entire planet! I was safe from all worries, except of that to achieve my weekly goal. Hifz served to be the blocker of a horse for me, it would keep me on track, never allowing any distractions to cross my mind. A ten on my form, and that powerful praise - “Ahsante” would be enough to make my day. That sense of being goal-driven, that obsession of achieving something, - made me worry-proof. 

The impact that hifz had on me – was enthralling! Hifz made me feel like a skillful juggler, who can balance 20 bottles at a time. That is how efficient it made me. I would have each second calculated, each minute allotted to a specific task, and each chore was appointed its fix slot. It taught me to see how generous 24 hours are for us, and how everything could be done in those 86400 seconds, if I was efficient enough. That walk to Mawaid, and the minutes in between two periods, everything counted! As if those ticking hands on my clock were magical, they could sum so much in themselves in just a day! That spirit did not allow us to tire before completing the daily goal, as if we were deprived of the humanly necessities like rest and hunger.

Also, the way hifz molded me, had a huge spiritual dimension. It made me morally conscious of my acts. I hurt someone today, I am sure that is why I couldn’t pass my Murajaat today. I overslept and missed fajar-namaz today? That is exactly why I was stopped mid-page in my Jadeed today. The process made my conscience extra alert. And each recited Ayat, those divine words gave an indescribable feeling of content and peace inside. I could feel that constant Nazar, and Yaari that helped me wake up early in those chilly mornings – I could just feel connected.  Spending a day engulfed in a heavenly cocoon of Qur’an made me feel close to Maula TUS in an unexplainable way! It was not hard to notice that all those tiny breaks amidst hifz would lead us to talking about him in a way or another. In a nut shell, Hifz kept on kindling spirituality in me, making me feel closer and closer to the one who was the reason why I was doing it.

That phase was a sculptor. It shaped us and meticulously carved each of us. Although I miss that period immensely, but the infinite and lasting impact of memorizing Qur’an - even long after finishing it - is an unquestionable one. One who has been through the process is trained, groomed, disciplined and transformed for life. It’s not just an accomplishment of memorizing 604 pages – it is a system of growth, and revolution. It brings out processed gold from a mine of dirt.

It made me find my superpowers, the ultimate, yet unrecognized capabilities and powers of a human mind. It programmed my brain into thinking that - since I did this, I am able to do possibly anything and everything! Nothing seems unachievable any more - considering that I already did what seemed impossible. It is a constant therapy, each time I feel low, or find the thought of “I can’t do this” looming over me, my Sanad reminds me of my capabilities, and all that I am able of.

            The ‘I’ mentioned above - is not an individual, summarizing it – ‘I’ is every blessed hafiz that has been fortunate enough to be transformed by this life changing, spellbinding, and an everlasting process.

            May Allah grant our Maula TUS, whose wishes are heard and granted above the seven skies, whose far sightedness and wish of seeing a hafiz in every house transformed, and is transforming lives of thousands; till the day of Qayamath. Ameen!